This is the way I am

Sepertinya sering gw merasa begitu rendah diri dan tidak bersyukur dengan segala apa yang gw punya. Di saat-saat tertentu gw adalah orang yang begitu kufur nikmat. Men-judge Tuhan dengan segala pertanyaan-pertanyaan yang sungguh tak pantas bahkan untuk terlintas di otak manusia yang tercipta sempurna. Apalagi dengan kenyataan tentang segala apa yang gw punya. Di saat-saat tertentu, gw seperti Alanis Morissette dengan lagu So Unsexy-nya.

Oh these little rejections how they add up quickly

One small sideways look and I feel so ungood

Somewhere along the way I think I gave you the power to make

Me feel the way I thought only my father could

Oh these little rejections how they seem so real to me

One forgotten birthday I’m all but cooked

How these little abandonments seem to sting so easily

I’m 13 again am I 13 for good?

Chorus:

I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful

So unloved for someone so fine

I can feel so boring for someone so interesting

So ignorant for someone of sound mind

Oh these little protections how they fail to serve me

One forgotten phone call and I’m deflated

Oh these little defenses how they fail to comfort me

Your hand pulling away and I’m devastated

[Back chorus]

When will I stop leaving baby?

When will I stop deserting baby?

When will I start staying with myself?

Oh these little projections how they keep springing from me

I jump my ship as I take it personally

Oh these little rejections how they disappear quickly

The moment I decide not to abandon me

[Back chorus 2x]

Benar-benar merendahkan diri sendiri.

Tapi di saat-saat lain, gw begitu nekat, feel free to do anything I want, begitu senang dan narsisnya dengan kehidupan gw dan belajar banyak dari orang-orang di sekitar gw. Seperti You Learn-nya Alanis juga…

Ooh, ooh, ooh…

I, recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone, yeah

I, recommend walking around naked in your living room, yeah

Swallow it down (what a jagged little pill)

It feels so good (swimming in your stomach)

Wait until the dust settles

1-You live you learn, you love you learn

You cry you learn, you lose you learn

You bleed you learn, you scream you learn

I, recommend biting off more than you can chew to anyone

I certainly do

I, recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time

Feel free

Throw it down (the caution blocks you from the wind)

Hold it up (to the rays)

You wait and see when the smoke clears

(repeat 1)

I, I, oh, oh

Wear it out (the way a three-year-old would do)

Melt it down (you’re gonna have to eventually, anyway)

The fire trucks are coming up around the bend

(rpt 1)

You grieve you learn, you choke you learn

You laugh you learn, you choose you learn

You pray you learn, you ask you learn

You live you learn

Hahahaha…. It’s so complicated. But, it’s me for sure. Hidup itu sangat berwarna ya… ^_^